Sunday, March 16, 2008

how lembu explains the world

(utusan malaysia)

this one is from Tengku Farith's blog. Ideologies explained.

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, so you
give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State
takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM:
You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour. From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd. The State take 30% of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour. Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.

UMNOPUTRAISM :
The State takes 30% of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives, friends and sons-in-law.

MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT LINKED OR
BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them. But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two. After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turnaround the losses. The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan .

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again
and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you're sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A

CHINA CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...


so, i've uploaded a new profile photo; u can start approving my comments now, dear miss Minerva.. haha

cheers~

8 comments:

min said...

i'm a fasci-capitalist. and i'm the government.

i think we should exchange numbers. :p

anis said...

ewwww...
gambar poyo.. lol
beverly hills eh..

i prefer the japanese way.

iXa said...

one of the best entries.

masche said...

anarcho-capitalist sounds better.
the capitalist part.. buy a bull and let them multiply, sell the meat n the milk..
n the anarchy part gives me a choice to either sell the milk and meat at a fair price or the neighbors would try to snatch the cow away from me and kill me..
life's a thrill babe.. haha

what number? savings account number??
how much do u have?? haha

beverly hills laa.. 90210.. haha

a freakonomics worth entry..

min said...

it depends.
i have one in the caymans, and another in the swiss bank

lol

masche said...

the one with the more money please

encikpundak said...

haha ako gelak sampai kuar air mate bace posting ni.. nice2

"the Dude" said...

i gotta link this one...best gile!